The Lung Brothers

Hanging out at the extreme end of the long tail ...

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Embarassing Feats of Memory

It was a random Tuesday morning at work ... and of course, I wasn't really working, just humming a tune to myself. Suddenly I recoiled in horror ... something horrible had happened to me, and I had to share it with someone.

I called my friend K, who I was sure was also at her desk, pretending to work:


(intoned in my best country singer tenor)
"Ev’ryone considered him the coward of the county.
He’d never stood one single time to prove the county wrong.
His mama named him Tommy, but the folks just called him yellow.
Something always told me they were reading Tommy wrong ..."

"Um .. okay ..."

"How is it possible?? How can I know the lyrics to 'The Coward of the County'? I don't even like that song. Surely everytime it's come on a radio that I was listening to, I changed the channel ... and yet, I'm sure I know all the lyrics ... how? How is this possible??"

"Mac Arthur's Park is melting in the dark,
all the sweet green icing flowing down.
Someone left the cake out in the rain.
I don't think that I can take it,
'cause it took so long to bake it,
and I'll never have that recipe again,
Oh, nooo!"

"Yes, exactly ... how is this possible??"


After this little discovery, we started keeping a list of all the embarassing crap songs that we secretly knew the lyrics to. And it's real quite the list ... but I wanted to open this one up to the floor ... what is the most embarassing song you actually know the words to? Give us a shout in the comments section ...

Thursday, June 09, 2005

The World's Smallest Warden (UPDATES at the bottom)

Yeah, it’s been a while hasn’t it? It’s just so much less effort being a commentary parasite on other peoples blogs than having to think up my own postings. So, what’s new then?

Well, recently I have;

Been screamed at,
Urinated on,
Suffered sleep deprivation,
Forced to clean excrement,
Had fingers stuck into my eyes,
Forcibly confined in an enclosed space for long stretches,
Condemned for my actions,
Condemned for my inaction,
Suffered panic attacks,
And denied the right to free association.

Amazing how much Abu Ghraib inmates have in common with first time parents.

(brought to you by Lung the Elder)

A conversation between Mohammad and Ahmet in Baghdad ...

M: Hey, Ahmet, how's it going?
A: Oh, hiya Mohammad ... didn't see you there ...
M: Man, you look like shit! Where have you been?
A: Abu Ghraib, actually ...
M: NO! Oh, man, I'm so sorry ... what happend?
A: Well, I've been pissed on, kicked, had my eyes poked, and been denied sleep ...
M: That's awful!
A: Well ... yeah ... I guess ... but you know, it's not so bad ...
M: What do you mean?? "Not so bad"???
A: Well ... yes, I've been abused, but ... well, it's hard to explain ... I mean, being tortured is awful, but ... well, you really feel like you're part of the human race, you know? Like "I'm finally doing something significant" ...
M: But, but ... it can't be worth all that?
A: No ... I mean, you don't get anything out of it really ... it's not about "me" ... there's no point in thinking about it in those terms ... but you feel like you're part of something bigger than yourself ... and you can't imagine your life without it after that ..
M: I don't know ... it sounds like a raw deal to me ...
A: I know you can't understand this .. but the first time you hear your interrogator say your name, it's ... well, it's just priceless ...
M: Hmmm ...
A: And sometimes you get unexpected moments of joy ... sure, mostly you're just sleep-deprived and being pissed on, but sometimes while they're pissing on you ... well, they smile ... and it just lifts you up ...
M: !!!!!

My theory is that parenting only succeeds because parents suffer from "Stockholm Syndrome" ...