The Lung Brothers

Hanging out at the extreme end of the long tail ...

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Analysts Confirm that the Trump Administration Will be the First in US History to Achieve and Surpass a 40% Score on the DHO Probability Factor.

The was quite a furore this week when the statistical forecasting department of the Hardgraves Institute of Political Studies published its findings on the DHO Probability Factor of the executive branch of the next US government. Randy Jeffers, a spokesman for the institute was confident that the results of the study, although surprising, were in fact accurate.
“We obtained all of the numeric components from tried and trusted sources and the algorithms have been triple checked. So, what we have here is a very fairly-assessed and reliable predictive model.” assured Jeffers.

The DHO, which calculates the statistical probability of finding a dead hooker in the Oval Office, was first established during the presidency of Theodore Roosevelt and has been used by every administration throughout the twentieth century to gauge the potential workload of the Chief of Staff.     

When contacted, a staffer from the Trump campaign told us that this result was just a foretaste of all the milestones that this administration was going to achieve “It also shows that this time around, we got a REAL man in the Oval Office, knowhtimean?” the staffer, who wished to remain anonymous, added with an overt wink. He also went on to say that the study conclusively proves that the hands president-elect are in fact, big and strong enough to theoretically strangle a fully grown woman.  

So, the current DHO Ranking of US presidents now looks as follows:

1.    Donald Trump
2.    George W. Bush
3.    John F. Kennedy
4.    Warren Harding
5.    Bill Clinton
6.    Eleanor Roosevelt

*This only contemplates the probability of Dick Cheney playing a Halloween prank.