H1N1 – The Boogie Nights Solution.

I was musing the other day on all this international hubbub about transmitting the swine flu.

It seems that in social situations, we can no longer even shake hands let alone exchange a couple of chaste bisous on each cheek. It's an outrage. The physical vocabulary of both formal and casual greetings has been completely obliterated by this naughty little bug and we are now left to stand face-to-face with acquaintances and awkwardly wave at each other like complete wallies.

Or maybe not……

I vote that we bring back the hip bump, but as a social greeting instead of an afro-haired seventies disco move. I mean, it’d have to be a pretty hardened virus to be able to pass through a layer of Lois bell-bottomed jeans and Mork-and-Mindy embossed y-fronts to infect some poor acrylic-shirted bystander. Just walk up to the individual that you intend to greet, say ‘Pleased to meet you Your Majesty’ then both of you raise your arms high in the air, put your right feet forward and gently bop the sides of your respective tushes together. Perfectly safe.

And just think how natural Obama would look doing with say, Angela Merkel at a G8 summit. In fact the opening day of the summit would probably look something like a bunch of foxy-suited dudes celebrating Jimmy Carter’s election at a Donna Summer concert.

So listen up you World Health Organisation cats, it’s time you jive turkeys got hep to the grooviest pandemic prevention technique that ever freaked under a disco ball.

The HIP BUMP GREETING.
I mean for God’s sake, the Masons have been doing it for years!

Can you dig it, good buddies?