La Sala X

Many years ago I did a 4-month stint in Madrid doing a bit of work experience in the headquarters of one of Spain’s most monolithic corporations. Happy days. I managed to land a room in an apartment in fairly central part of the old town sharing with three other lads. The four of us were very different both physically and in personality. When we were gathered of an evening in the kitchen talking the usual bollocks that young men talk, I couldn’t help but think that my life had taken on a certain sitcom quality. Apparently I was the stabilizing force in the group because after I left there were blazing rows, accusations of theft and eventually one of them buggered off without paying the month and a half’s rent he owed.

It was a fine time, my job was fairly laid back - I was more or less used to translate the department’s technical documentation. Most evenings were spent on the town and I can testify from firsthand experience that Madrid leaves Barcelona in the dust when it comes to nightlife. Nevertheless, every Monday I had to drag myself out of bed bright and early and haul my unwieldy corpse into a suit and onto packed metro train just to sit in my cubicle and try to appear awake.

One of the few things that cheered me up on these painful mornings was the fact that we lived a couple of doors down from an erotic cinema. They changed their double bill every Sunday evening so the next day I could pass by the front door and admire the fresh new titles. It was an experience that not only brightened up the morning, but also hugely enriched the quality and quantity of my colloquial Spanish.

Who thinks up the titles for porn films? It’s quite a challenge really considering the limited amount of subject matter in your average skin flick. It should be witty and saucy but not too obvious. Modesty aside, I reckon that I wouldn’t be too bad at it. So let’s open the floor to our half dozen readers. Can you think up or remember the best title to a porn flick. And I’ll get the ball rolling so to speak:

“Saving Ryan’s Privates”

Go on then. Top that.