The Lung Brothers

Hanging out at the extreme end of the long tail ...

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Worst Pun Competition.

For some godforsaken reason I have gotten into a bad pun series of e-mails with a couple of old friends. It’s actually turned out to be quite entertaining in a face-clawing sort of way. So far I reckon that the absolutely worst offerings have to be:

A lady walked into a bar and asked the barman for a double entendre ……
….so he gave her one.

Two oranges walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says …. ‘Your round’.

Pretty agonizing eh?
So we’re going to open this one to the floor and let both our readers pitch their most original and worst possible puns our way. As a prize, both Lungs will come round to the winners house and beat him/her senseless with wet loofahs. Our largesse knows no bounds.


Anonymous Puerile Pish said...

A German farmer with relatives in Ireland promised them some fresh pork sausages made by hand from his very own stock of pigs.

But as the weeks went by, they gave him a call to complain that the package had not yet arrived.

He told them, "Don't worry. The wurst is yet to come."

5:34 pm  
Anonymous Lung the Younger said...

Thanks PP, that was utterly awful. You’ve just made my day. Here’s another one.

A Buddhist monk goes to the dentist’s to get a tooth pulled. Soon everything’s set up and the dentist is about to administer the anesthetic. But the monk refuses it saying that he’d prefer to transcend dental medication.

10:16 am  
Anonymous John said...

The same monk goes for a hotdog later, and askes the vendor to make him one with everything

11:18 am  
Anonymous Lung the Younger said...

..the monk then takes the hotdog and gives the vendor a 10 dollar bill which the vendor duly pockets.

The monk surprised asks 'And my change?'

The vendor replies 'I'm sorry but change must come from within.'

11:48 am  
Anonymous Lung the Younger said...

The chief of a village marries three women on the same day. That night in his tent, he places one of his new brides on a tiger skin bed to add passion, he places another bride on a buffalo skin rug to give fortitude and the last young bride gets to lie in a hippo skin hammock for fertility. He then goes from one wife to the next and makes love to each of them.

Sure enough, nine months later each of the wives gives birth. The first two wives each produce a boy while the third wife has twins, both boys. The village’s wise man had cleverly predicted this for as he told the chief:

"The sons of the squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

Beat that you sissies.

12:01 pm  
Blogger Lung the Elder said...

... well, it's not exactly a pun, is it?

ANYway, as we're breaking form:

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

5:39 pm  
Blogger Lung the Elder said...

and while I'm at it:

I gotta hilarious joke about the Jonestown Massacre.
I can't post it now, though. The punch line is too long.

5:44 pm  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

A rabbi and a rasta are at the bus stop. The rasta turns to the rabbi and says "When's the next bus due?"

The rabbi says "What's it to you, nigger?"

12:42 am  
Blogger Twenty Major said...

I see that killed it nicely.

9:44 pm  
Anonymous Lung the Younger said...

Oh I dunno Twenty. Considering our usual comment scores this has still been pretty epic.

10:20 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the wurst is yet to come...
oh brother...that had me howling.

4:24 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

haha great

Why do seaguls fly over the sea?

well, i'm not sure by if they flew over bays they would be bagals

10:15 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the german farmer's relatives had to call him again concerning the missing links.....

9:29 pm  
Blogger NJ Rich said...

Aging males can have problems. For example, there was an old turtle whose personality really became maladjusted. It was a case of A REPTILE DYSFUNCTION.

1:33 am  

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