I’d Murder Me in the Morning…

LtY: Oh Christ not again. Look at Nic. He’s picking up all the crumbs on his toddler table with the tip of his finger.

CS: Yes, isn’t it cute.

LtY: Cute my arse. He’s two years old and he’s a boy. At his age I was outside busily getting mud on my clothes, scuffs on my shoes and scabs on my knees. This is unhealthy obsessive behavior and it’s your fault.

CS: MY fault?

LtY: Yup. Your maternal grandfather was highly obsessive, both your parents say so. AND he was French… I rest my case.

CS: Listen, just because YOU’RE a slob…

LtY: Hey, being a slob is manly…..

(Nic spits a piece of chewed up cheese onto the kitchen floor)

LtY: Ataboy, chip off the old block. (Ruffles Nic’s blond hair)

CS: (Rolls eyes) Right, I’m off to work. Seeing as you’re so proud of your offspring, you can clean that blob of his manliness off the floor before you leave.

LtY: Aw don’t get upset. Look, most parents worry about their children discovering drugs. I on the other hand, am really terrified about when my son finally discovers bubblewrap….

(Sound of front door slamming shut)