The Lung Brothers

Hanging out at the extreme end of the long tail ...

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

The Incoherent Truth

Now listen up y’all. It’s very simple. We need to defend ourselves against the TERRISTS. The TERRISTS use airplanes to attack. And airplanes is used to get places by flying over things, right? So, obviously it’s the flyover states what are most at risk. The logic is inexcapab..unescapub..inescapib…well, just darn hard to deny OK?

In second place, them Muslims streamists can’t have nothing to do with pig meat. Can’t eat it, can’t touch it, can’t do dick with it. So, the more pork barrel we spread around the country, the safer we’ll all be. You with me so far?

Thirdly, New York’s already been struck once. Any old fool who knows anything about basic statistics’ll tell ya that the chances of it getting hit again are like … a brazilian-to-one. Am I right or what?

Thirdly, ol’ Bin Aladdin said that he would strike at the very heart of ‘merica. Don’t ya see?! Heart….? Heart-LAND Goddamn it! He was sending a coded message to all his streamists who’s imbedded over here. Clear as the nose on your face. Jeez, keep up with the program, will ya?

Uh where wuz I? Well anyway.. fourthly .. see if you can tell me one thing. How’s Bin Ladle gonna know that the people he’s killing is all God-fearing Christians, huh? Why the streets of New York is crawling with every type of heathen you could imagine. He goes and drops a bomb over there and he’d prob’ly be killing mostly his own. What with all them taxi drivers and the like.. Naw, he’s fixing to send his Terrists to where we got our Sunday schools and we all know what states I’m talking about ….damn straight.

I’m telling ya amigos, Bush’s got it all figured out. I just wish he was here having a few brewskis with us now so he could tell y’all how right I am. I for one, will be sleeping sounder in my trailer tonight knowing that he’s on the job.

Anyways move over, I gotta go bleed the lizard. Anybody want another Bud? Jeez, how many did we have? I can barely stand up…..


Anonymous vague said...

And that is why one should avoid the Midwest at all costs.

10:44 am  
Blogger Philip said...

Very convincing. Can't pronounce "terrorist" or "extremist", but rattles out "basic statistics" like he was borned to it.

11:58 am  
Anonymous Davezilla said...

Ah, I tend to disagree. The last time I heard a redneck use the word "statistic", it was pronounced, "suh-TISS-ick", as in, "Don't you read math? The suhtissicks never lie."

1:14 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your post inadvertently mind you helps to explain why Bush won an election giving him a second term in office that he should have lost based on his domestic policy alone.

3:17 am  

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