Seeing as it’s Christmas I’ve Decided to Hire an Assassin

It will be a multiple contract to rub out the following scumbags of whom I’ve heard so much:


Noel (make sure he’s the First)

Round John Virgin (just whack the fat guy, don’t touch the mother or child)

Crispin Even (dump his body in the snow)

Dec D. Halls (hang him from a rafter)

Pierre Tree (send a piece of him to his true love as a warning)

Mary Leon High (to be thrown from a church steeple)

Ms. Elle Toe (she was given the kiss of death a long time ago)

Harold Angel Singh (got too big for his boots, figured he was the newborn king)

Gisela Ying (there’s six of them, whack ‘em all)

Hal A. Luya (he knows something, make him sing first)

Frank N. Cents (that’ll teach the stinker)

Holly and Ivy (make it look like a lesbian suicide pact)