Christmas Accomplished.

The following is a copy of a crumpled note that was found in a Whitehouse dumpster by a correspondent from the AL Jazeera network. According to reports the note in question was crudely scribbled in crayon on the back of a torn-out piece of a twinkies box:

XMAS GIFT IDEAS:

DICK - A bunch of toilet paper rolls with the articles and amendments of the Constitution printed on them, so he can do physically what we’re doing politically. Ha ha! Easier gift than last year - why did he want that darn grinding organ anyway?

CONDI - A Fifth Avenue handbag, so she can save on some of her Goddamn shopping time.

ALBERTO - A bottle of ‘Havana Club’. (as in what we use to beat the terrorists down in sunny G. - see if he gets the joke)

ANDY C. - I can fob off my CD box sets of The West Wing to Andy. Maybe he can follow what’s going on and explain a few things.

JOHNNY B. - Big mother of a Stetson hat to wear at UN conferences. Remind ‘em that I don’t need their garlic-stinkin’ permission to do nothing, if I don’t want to.

JED - Oh shoot, I’ll just divert some more hurricane relief funds his way like last year.

POP - Just the usual Whitehouse Christmas card that we send to everyone. Do I have to sign it personally?

MIKEY B. - Give him a new job in charge of organizing an exit strategy for Iraq. That way we’re sure to be there at least for the next few years.

HARRIET - Get her that ‘I’M WITH BRILLIANT’ T-shirt I had printed up.

KARL & SCOOTER - Gonna download that Bad Boys song on to their iPods....watcha gonna do, watcha gonna do when they come for you..... Karly Boy’s a good sport, he’ll see the funny side.

FRISTY - Was going to get him some hiking equipment but then Condi told me that he was more of an insider kinda guy. Then she winked at me, which I found kinda creepy.

TONY B: - Memo shredder.

PATRICK FITZ. - One of those - IF YOU’RE NOT WITH US, YOU’RE WITH THE TERRORISTS –bumperstickers.

V. PLAME - A little model of an Aston Martin and a Walther PPK water pistol. Hint, hint.

C. SHEEHAN - A brand new cell phone that Hadley over at the NSA asked me to give her. It’s really kinda snazzy. Maybe I’ll keep it for myself.


The authenticity of the discarded memo has not been affirmed or denied by the Whitehouse Chief of Staff and the reporter who found the note is not available for comment as he can no longer be traced.