Monday Rant

I'd just like to say that I hate, loath, detest, abhor and am utterly repulsed by chewing gum and all those slob-bastard gum chewers who don't have the decency to lock themselves in their garages and suck their catalytically converted tailpipes until they twitch their last. Every day of my godforsaken working week I have to share a train with a rowdy gaggle of Spaniards who insist on yelling at each other conversationally and , worst of all, chewing gum like a bunch of hogs with chronic tapeworm. It's like sitting in a pigsty on wheels and I'm sick to the teeth of it.

There must be some government decree over here that every bus, metro or train wagon has to have at least one bovine native, slopping and popping into the ear of the person next to him (or more often her). I mean what is it with these people, are they so immune to noise, or is it more an in-bred fear of silence that makes it so impossible for them to sit quietly for two minutes? And just like the smoke from a cigarette always finding the non-smoker, any masticating peasant that boards the train while I'm on it, seems to go out of his way to seek me out. He will walk the entire length of a half-empty wagon just to plonk his ignorant arse on the seat across from mine and cheerfully continue to mimic the noise of a Neanderthal crossing a marsh along with his own particular style of oral farting. Uuugh!